I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
