I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
