Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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