His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i've created a new STD.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
