the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
