shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Who died my cat blue again?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
