with your own penis?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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