Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
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