I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
