I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
