I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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