so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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