Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
