Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
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