just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
