Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize