Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
