everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
