didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
