We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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