Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
