Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
