last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
