Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
