Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
