I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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