I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
