he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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