I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
