dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
