how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
