she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
