I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
