I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
