Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
