thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
