R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
