I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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