he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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