she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
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Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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