She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
