Well apparently he's into motor boating.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
