If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
