In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
