Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'm passing your future prison.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
