No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
