is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
