woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
