I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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