is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
