i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
