I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize