I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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