i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
