When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
