You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
