You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
