careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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