A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
