So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
