I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
