Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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