How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
