I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
