You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
