My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
