Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
