Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
