4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
