my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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