I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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