Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
