Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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