I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
