You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
