So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
