I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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