he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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