ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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