Ketchup is God's man juice
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Drunk is not a location!
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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