It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
