It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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