can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
